Author's Statement

Okay, so now that this story is done I’ve found myself with a grand total of 50108 words and two days to spare. While I’m not one hundred percent convinced I don’t need an extra ‘postlude’ whatever I eventually decide will be added in a later draft. This one is done. Thank you for bearing with me for these twenty-eight days of unedited glory.

At this point I’m going to talk about the story and explain a bit. If you don’t care about what I have to say you don’t have to read anymore. This next bit is as much for my benefit as yours, if not more so.

The original idea for this story came a little less than a year ago when my mom told me about one of the experiences she’d had while working as an associate at one of the local schools. While I won’t go into any specific details (it’s neither appropriate really nor do I know much about the situation) I will say that the experience is basically summed up in Dan’s portion of the story.

I worked on the idea for a bit at first but didn’t find myself going anywhere and shelved it for a later date. It stayed in this state until I read Philip Roth’s The Human Stain. While I can’t say it’s the best book I’ve ever read it did have some very interesting things in a literary sense. The narrator, Nathan Zuckerman, specifically interested me. Nathan Zuckerman had been described as Philip Roth’s alter-ego and, as such, is in a sense a version of Philip Roth’s voice (or so I’ve come to understand). If you don’t know me very well then I’ll say that that’s what Justin was set up to be in this story. It allowed me a bit more freedom than I would have had otherwise and the ability to better deal with the inevitable mistakes that would show up (example: Jessica’s hair).

I knew I wanted Justin’s voice to reminisce about a time in his past but realized that Dan’s story wouldn’t work by itself. I didn’t know enough about the real event to be able to make it into fifty thousand words and, though Justin shares my own voice in a way, we aren’t the same person. Dan’s story just wasn’t interesting enough to Justin, he didn’t experience the events first hand and so the issue was outside of his influences really. If the voice I had chosen was Harold or someone else intimately involved with the situation this issue, likely, wouldn’t exist.

In an attempt to make it his interest I decided that the setting needed to be inside the school during a snowstorm. It’s a very well established situation that sort of forces confrontation and, inherently, brings out the skeletons in people’s closets. Even still I couldn’t make Dan’s story the focus and introduced Mrs. Snowburn’s passing as the Justin’s reason for writing the story. Beyond that I took the story day by day and explored the reasons why each of the characters had found themselves in the school when the storm hit.

That’s where, I think, I made my largest mistake. While this story may have its interesting points and moves generally forward all of the other characters became distractions from the main plot of Justin and Mrs. Snowburn. In that sense I will keep this story, but in future revisions will cut back on the other characters drastically.

This doesn’t mean that they will be taken out of the story or that, if they are, they will be forgotten completely. I haven’t decided yet how I’m going to approach the story in the future or exactly what I will do with it, though I think I have the ground work set in pretty nicely. I do know that Tim and Jessica are likely to be taken out. They don’t need to be stuck in the school with Justin and Mrs. Snowburn. They need to be the stars of their own story. Dan and his family will likely be taken out as well and placed in the back of my mind for a later date again. The potential of his story was not realized completely and I don’t want it to be less than it can be. Sean may stay but Ms. George will not be present. I didn’t like the story they had and will make efforts to create something I can live with instead of what is there now. Claire and Johnny may remain but I don’t know in what capacity. I may add new characters that can function in different ways or it may just be Justin and Mrs. Snowburn. I really don’t know.

Right now the story is a lot of character development which, in all honesty, doesn’t feel like a true story. I want this to eventually be a story that doesn’t get distracted by things that should, ultimately, be somewhere else. I think there are some very powerful moments that are lost because I had to spend time legitimizing other’s presence. Until I can get that to work properly I have to lessen the number of distracting influences and keep Justin’s focus on Mrs. Snowburn’s passing, which ultimately means cutting some characters from the story.

~Bret Cath

Day 28

While Coach Z maintained that his boots and a heavy coat were enough we gathered everything that he could possibly wear and spread it out on the floor for everyone to see. Gloves, hats, coats, everything that could fit Coach Z’s large body lay in front of us. Most of it had come from our own collection but Sean had raided the lost and found boxes and found a few pieces of clothing that worked. They lay in their own pile thawing as best they could in the short time before Coach Z would leave. “Okay, how much can we send with you to make sure you’re safe if it starts snowing again and how much should we keep to ensure our safety?” Though everyone knew the task I felt it necessary to reiterate to make sure no one was confused.

“You have what on now Z?” Claire stepped over and began looking at the clothes he was wearing. Though Coach Z, Tim, Sean, and I all stood there feeling awkward as Claire seemed to rub her hands where she could she didn’t seem to notice. Or, at least, was enjoying the effect enough to keep up the effort. “Let’s see: heavy coat. Check. Sweatshirt. Check. Undershirt. Oh, wifebeater. You’re going to need a long sleeve shirt that will keep sweat away from your body.” Coach Z raised his eyebrow at her as she stepped away to look through the pile of clothes. “What? Johnny’s in the scouting program.”

“Don’t they teach that sort of thing to the old kids. He’s gotta still be a cubby.” Tim asked as he knelt down to help her in her search.

Claire glared at Tim for a second. “Who do you think got him into the scouting program in the first place?” Tim looked away to avoid any unnecessary conversation about deceased spouses. “Here we go.” Out of the pile Claire pulled out a long sleeved blue shirt from the lost and found pile and set it aside to dry faster. “You’ll have to wait a bit before it’s dry enough to wear, but I think we have the time.” She returned to examining the clothes Coach Z was wearing and the rest of us were back to averting our eyes as best we could, shifting our weight nervously. “We got gloves all ready for you and a hat. While I’m going to suggest something to cover your eyes that’ll be up to you, it could keep you warm, but it might also limit your visibility. The boots are nice, but you’re going to have to tuck in your pants. Jeans. No jeans. Or, at least something to go over your jeans.” She turned to Tim. “You got overalls or something that are water proofed?” He nodded and left the room, probably headed to the janitor’s closet.

Coach Z yelled out in surprise and had his hands on Claire’s shoulders before we could figure out what had happened. “My underwear is fine,” He said breathing hard from the sudden surprise. Even from where I stood I could see Claire’s wink. Tim walked back into the room, saw that something had happened and shook his head.

I saw his mouth move as me muttered something, but didn’t catch what he’d said until Claire yelled at him. “Don’t you ‘women’ me!” Tim chuckled as he placed the heavy overalls next to the under shirt.

They were inside out. I opened my mouth to ask why he’d put them out like that but he started explaining before I got a chance. “The outsides are gonna get wet either way if these are gonna be his outer layer,” Tim explained. “If we want to get Coach Z out of her as quick as we can we can’t wait for the entire thing to be dry, just the stuff that’s gonna to rub up against the rest of his clothes.”

I patted Tim on the back for his good thinking. “What’s going on Justin? Why are all the clothes out?” Jessica was poking through the pile of clothes on the floor and pulled out a small pink t-shirt that had gotten stuck inside one of the bigger sweaters. “Hey! This is mine! I thought I left it at the pool.” She smiled widely and immediately stripped off her shirts to change.

Tim was right there before she got completely naked, though most everyone turned away just the same. “I think you should wait until you get that t-shirt home before wearing it Jessica,” He said as he pulled the shirt out of her reluctant hands. “We…You don’t know where that’s been. Even the lost and found box has some interesting things in it at times.” While Jessica wasn’t watching he threw it under the bed and lowered his voice to whisper in my ear. “Interesting critters too.” I shuddered despite myself and was glad he’d had the sense to hide her t-shirt. Though it might have been one she liked there were others and if Tim felt it was unsafe for her to be wearing a t-shirt from the pile I had to wonder if the long sleeve shirt drying on the floor was any better.

I voiced my concern to Coach Z himself. “I’ve seen the creatures as well,” He said as he smiled. “I was planning on leaving that shirt in the next room, completely by accident of course.” I made a mental not to require that Claire wash her hands sometime in the near future.

As we waited for the clothes to dry I kept an eye on Mrs. Snowburn. She slept soundly and I couldn’t help but make sure she was still alive every few minutes. “Jessica, you asked me why Coach Z was getting dressed?” She nodded and I sat her on my knee. “Johnny and Dan, you should hear this too.” They both came over, though Dan clearly wasn’t interested. “Coach Z is going to go get help. As you can see Mrs. Snowburn is sick.” I looked at Dan specifically for the next sentence. “Harold isn’t doing much better.” Dan nodded his approval of the idea and I went back to my main point. “Tim and I have set up signs that he and Jessica made outside but we’re not sure if it will be enough. The heater’s going to di…break soon and we need help as soon as we can get. Coach Z is going to get us that help.” They all looked at Coach Z as he walked out of the room with the undershirt and the overalls in hand. “Because we’re going to be short one extra person I need you three to be on your best behavior. Dan, you’ve been doing good so far and I don’t want to see you do anything that might hurt someone. Jessica and Johnny, Tim and Claire are going to still be here but with Coach Z’s departure it means, besides trips to the bathroom, you’re going to have to stay in here for the rest our time here. Think you can stay calm?” The both nodded. “We’re almost done and everything will start returning to something more normal.”

Johnny and Dan walked away after I was finished with my explanation but Jessica stayed on my lap. I watched her for some time as she stared at Mrs. Snowburn sleeping. “Is that how my family died? Sleeping like that?” She looked up at me for an answer but there was none. I didn’t know and I wasn’t about to give her false hope. Thankfully it seemed like she caught on and leaned into my chest and sit there until she fell asleep.

When Tim eventually took her away I could feel the damp patches where her tears were already drying.

Everything from that point on is simply a blur in my memory. Mrs. Snowburn, Jessica, and Harold slept. Sean, Claire, and Tim kept their eyes on their charges and spent the rest of their time sitting or laying down in an effort to save their energy for when the rescue team came. Johnny colored and re-colored the pieces of paper left over, not really making anything specific but instead keeping his hand busy. Dan sat on the bed next to his father crosselegged and read the three books Tim had found. Ms. George took over the cards and played solitaire for the duration of the wait.

We heard the rumbling of the snowmobiles as they made their way down the street in front of the school. Tim and I met the paramedics at the door and everything and everyone was out within minutes after their arrival. After a few question we figured out that Coach Z was at the hospital and was fine save for a few patches of frostbite. “I knew he was going to leave without that shirt.” Claire muttered to herself as she dressed Johnny.

Mrs. Snowurn was placed on a sled that was hooked up behind one of the snowmobiles and she and Harold were the first to leave. I asked if I could travel with her, but since I wasn’t a family member they asked that I didn’t for insurance reasons or something. I was content with whatever reason, but I would have liked to be with her when she got to the hospital. They said her children were waiting and it would have been nice to make sure she got placed into their hands directly. She passed away a week later from the complications. Because the grave sight she was supposed to be buried in was frozen she was cremated and her ashes were scattered over the burial plot. Her tombstone reads:

Penny Snowburn

October 15, 1962 – January 10, 2008

Devoted Wife

Devoted Mother

Devoted Teacher

Day 27

The two of use with help of way more than four sticks and the large amounts of tape Jessica gave us before we walked outside set up the sign on the edge of what we thought was the road. At that point everything was simply a blanket of snow deep enough that we were literally wading through it to get any distance from the school’s front entrance. “I saw you had the phone book out and were looking as it’s map.” Tim said as he stuck a stick deep into the snow in an attempt to make sure it was going to stay up. “Now I know I asked you this once before, but I’ve got ask it agin’ are you plannin’ on goin’ out an’ gettin’ help?” I held the sign up while he stuck another stick into the ground. “If ya are stop that kind of thought now. None of us are leavin’ alone. If one goes we all go.”

I shook my head as I disagreed with the statement. “Mrs. Snowburn is too weak to make it through this amount of snow. Even if we carried her it would be at least twice as difficult. Harold would be a problem; he’s in such shock about loosing Diana he can barely function. Four people taking the time to carry two. That would leave two to watch the three kids, who will be at least chest deep in this stuff I might add.” Tim opened his mouth to arguer but decided against it. “Now, Claire mentioned a point that I really like. Coach Z has the best chance of getting somewhere and getting there quickly. Both of us are having difficulties even walking this far and I know I’m going to stay by the heater for a bit afterwards to warm up a bit.” Tim, at the very least, didn’t argue after that point. “It’s just that we can’t stay in the school. We were lucky to have your heater, but it’s dying finally. We need to move on and get real help now that the worst of the storm is over. I’ll talk to him and plan out a route so that, if we get rescued before he returns, we can send someone after him or we can pick him up on the way.” Tim eventually nodded his okay, though he clearly didn’t like the idea. After we finished setting up sign, after it fell a few times due to the extra weight Jessica had put on it, we headed back inside.

Everyone was in the room quietly doing what they could to pass the time, silently hoping and praying in their own ways. Mrs. Snowburn had stirred but was sleeping again. “She asked where you were. I told her you were helping set up a sign Tim and Jessica made to draw people’s attention to this place.” She patted my shoulder. “She’d gotten weaker.” Glancing towards Coach Z she motioned in his direction with her chin. “If you’re going to do something now’s the time.”

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to Coach Z about my plan. It wasn’t even really that I was intimidated by him, though I admit it felt like if he’d wanted to he could snap my spine like one of those sticks holding the sign up outside. “Coach Z, can I talk to you for a second.” No, it wasn’t any of that really. It was that I was about to ask him to do something that I didn’t feel comfortable doing myself, which made me feel like I was coping out.

Coach Z finished what he was doing and followed me out into the hallway. “What do you need?” It felt as though the carpet vibrated as he spoke. I hesitated. “If you need me please let me know. Claire has mentioned that there is an important job you want me to do?”

I slowly nodded my head and took of my gloves and handed them back to the big man. They were his and he was going to need them. “I’m going to guess that you already know about the fact that the heater is dying.” Z nodded. “The heater dies it’s just a matter of time before Mrs. Snowburn gets worse and the then the rest of will probably follow suit. We need someone to go get help.” Coach Z stood up straight and crossed his arms, clearly knowing where I was going with my thought. “I only ask because you’re probably the best built for this type of thing. We’ll all help you get ready for the hike and I’ve got a path all planned out for you to follow-“

“Who convinced you not to go?” The coach smiled knowingly as I stopped mid sentence, caught off guard by what he’d said. “Sure, I’d love to go get help.” He patted me on the back, which practically knocked me over, and headed inside to gather the things he’d need for the trip.

A few minutes later Tim, the coach, and I were sitting in a circle on the floor around the yellow pages. “Okay, so here’s what I had planned. The closest hospital that I’ve found is this one, St. Joseph’s. As the bird flies it’s only about three miles away, but there’s a river in the way.” I looked at the other two guys to make sure they were still with me. “Now, the fastest route has you crossing this small bridge here, but the likelihood that that bridge will be clear by the time you get there is small. Instead, the next bridge down looks to be a major road of some sort. Maybe if you get onto that you can flag down some help and get someone here. If not you’re at least on your way to the hospital.” Tim looked at me to make sure his apprehensions hadn’t been forgotten. “The other reason I’d like you to take this road is because if we get rescued before you get to the hospital we can send someone to get you. We don’t want to find out something bad has happened to you on your way to help us. I don’t think any of us could really sleep well at night if that happened.” Coach Z nodded and spent the next few minutes committing the map to memory and Tim walked around the room collecting anything and everything he could to ensure Coach Z’s warmth out in the snow.

***

While everyone else was busy making sure Coach Z wasn’t going out simply to get himself killed I kept an eye on Mrs. Snowburn and was at her side if there was any indication of wakefulness. Eventually she did wake up and I was there waiting. “Ah! I see you’ve come back from setting up the signs.” She smiled. There was glaze to her eyes that made me shiver a little. She sat up just slightly and I propped her pillow so she could better stay up “Why is everyone in such a huff all of a sudden? Has something happened? Has the heat gone out?” She placed her hand on my arm and looked worried.

I shook my head to calm her. “The heater is working, for now at least. We’ve, however, decided not to rely solely on the heater’s capabilities.” I cleared my throat and shifted on the bed, nervous about whether or not I should tell her the next part. “We’ve come to the decision that one of our little group has to go find help instead of simply waiting for help to find us.” Mrs. Snowburn opened her mouth to argue but I was too quick. “Coach Z has agreed to this idea and will be heading out shortly. We’ve thought this through as best we can and I believe everyone is okay with the situation. He will be taking extra clothes just in case and is following a specific path.” The only thing we couldn’t manage was the infamous ‘buddy system’ we simply didn’t have the manpower capable of traveling through that kind of weather. The only one we could possibly send out with him was Ms. George and I wasn’t about to leave her alone with anyone for an instant. Besides, with Coach Z gone, maybe she might help a bit more. “I’m positive he’ll be fine. Please, don’t trouble yourself over what Coach Z. Remember what got you sick in the first place?” She eventually nodded her head and lay back down.

As she settled again I changed her water which had been halfway frozen by that point and replaced it with a fresh cup of thawed ice. “Thank you,” she said as I handed it to her. She took a long sip and placed it on the table next to her.

We sat there for some time not really saying anything. I stared at the far wall and she at the ceiling. No one bothered us. Everyone else was too interested in making sure Coach Z was all ready to leave. Jessica and Johnny were excited that something was changing and wanted to know what was going on, the best they got was that Coach Z was going to be gone for a bit. Dan was too concentrated on his father to really care. Even Sean paid little attention to the two of us sitting down nothing. “I don’t think I can keep my promise,” Mrs. Snowburn whispered to herself eventually.

“I’m sorry? W-what promise?”

I had my suspicions as to which promise she was referring to, but I wanted to make sure they were the same. “My promise to Jessica, that I wouldn’t…well you know.” She turned onto her side and stared at the same wall I’d been looking at for the last few minutes.

I could only guess that she was cry, it’s probably what I would do under those circumstances. I began rubbing her back. “Hey, I wasn’t finished with my explanation. I still need to tell you why I chose to teach high schoolers.

“It’s difficult to imagine using my minor in economics with children really. That’s about all it boils down to. When my college professors questioned me about who I’d like to teach I knew I didn’t want to teach college. I guess ‘knew’ is a strong term. I mean, I was in college. I wasn’t ready to teach college. I guess with a Master’s degree or something I could be okay with teaching college today, but I don’t have the money to do that right now.

“So it was between grade school, junior high, and high school. I knew I didn’t want to teach Junior High, as much as I appreciate the teachers that I had I don’t want to deal with that level of insanity. At least in high school they’ve decided more or less if they want to be dysfunctional, in junior high they’re still learning what dysfunctional meant.” Mrs. Swowburn looked at me with a bit of shock in her face that I would say that. “Gross exaggeration I know. And I’m not supposed to say that sort of stuff, but its how I felt at the time. I can’t really say I’ve changed my mind about it since then.

“So that left grade school and high school and, well, I wanted to use my minor and that’s where it felt most appropriate. I guess that really is all it boils down to, my minor was economics and I wanted to use it in the classroom.”

Mrs. Snowburn chuckled to herself before stopping in order to avoid another hacking fit. “Is that all you thought about? Wanting to use a minor you don’t really care about?” I nodded a little sheepishly. She threw back her head and belted out on large laugh. “Is that it? Gosh! I thought you’d actually thought about it.” She placed lay there for a second. “I got my job out of necessity, because it was the only thing that was available at the time. You have a choice Justin! Don’t let yourself be limited by a minor you didn’t really want in the first place. Please understand that this isn’t me saying don’t teach high school student. This is me saying teach what you want to teach. Go into a Master’s program when you can with something in mind, but until them explore and learn what you have available to you!” She patted me knee once more then nodded to the door. “It looks like they’re ready.”

I didn’t know it at the time but that would be the last significant conversation I would have with Mrs. Snowburn. The rest of the time in the school would be taken up filling the gap that would be left by Coach Z and preparing to leave and the time in the hospital would be given to Mrs. Snowburn’s children. “Thank you for the advice, I’ll keep it in mind.” I wish I’d said something better.

***

Days 25 and 26

Ran into a bit of writer's block yesterday. But then I got better and caught up.

Of course, I wasn’t really expecting to be asked that question. Teaching hadn’t been on my mind since Mrs. Snowburn had gotten sick. Even before I hadn’t really thought about it, I’d been on my way back from an interview for a job that wasn’t what I wanted on my way back my parents house. At that point I was more interested in working someplace than finding a school that would take me. “Well...um.”

She placed her hand gently on my knee. “Take your time sweetie. I’m not going anywhere after all.” She weakly laughed at her own joke which gradually turned into a slight cough which gradually turned into a full blown hacking fit. I stood up in an attempt to do something, but all I could do was stand there and feel like I was uselessly looming over her as she struggled to breath. Eventually I walked over to her water and brought it to her for her to sip. “Thank you.” She said between sips.

“Now don’t stress yourself too badly. I’m not a doctor.” I took the drink back the heater to keep it thawed. “There’s nothing I can do if you get worse.”

“You’re a teacher. I don’t expect you to know that kind of stuff.” She paused for a second. “What did you minor in? I mean, if you were going to work in a high school like you seem to want to what would you be teaching?”

I cleared my throat and looked away. “I minored in Economics which means I’ll probably be teaching Driver’s Education and some sort of intro to Economics class.” I can’t say I’m ashamed of that choice, or ever really was, but it didn’t seem to have the same appeal as saying ‘chemistry’ or ‘compute science.’

I thought about Mrs. Snowburn’s question for most of the rest of the time we were in school. In between helping her to the bathroom, slowly walking down the frozen hallway to the igloo and back, to helping Jessica and Tim set up the signs they’d made I thought about how and why I’d chosen to spend my time in college learning to deal with teenagers. “I guess I became a teacher because I can’t act.” Mrs. Snowburn was so caught off guard by the comment, both because it’d been some time since her original question and because it was a strange reason, that she went straight from laying in her bed staring at the ceiling to hacking. No laughter no gentle coughs, just silence straight to hack. As I got her water again it felt like all the eyes in the room were staring at me, wondering why I was trying to kill the poor woman.

After she settled down I decided to keep the water by the bed, it was probably going to freeze before she needed it again, but we’d gotten into the habit of melting as much water and thawing as much food as we could. It seemed as though Tim was working on the heater every few minutes to make sure it was going to still work. “I’m sorry. That was a bit unexpected.” I nodded with the slightest twinge of shame in my thoughtlessness. “Don’t worry about that. Remember, I caught myself off guard first. I did ask the question and you answered, that’s it.” Despite her attempt at making me feel better I made a mental note to censor myself a bit more in an attempt to prevent another hacking fit. “Now, what is this about you wanting to become an actor?”

I smiled and rubbed my nose to delay my explanation. “In high school I was very much involved in the theater department. I guess I was an okay actor at the time, though of course I base that off the other students. It could be that we simply weren’t that great of actors.” I laughed a little as I thought about the plays and musicals we preformed. I acted in a couple semi-big parts, but never had any leads. It frustrated me a little, but I knew the other students deserved the roles more than I did. “I went into college with the idea that I would major in theater and eventually go onto work in the acting business. I wasn’t expecting to go into anything big or anything, though I wouldn’t have turned down the offer if it came up.

“It became very clear very quickly that that wasn’t going to happen. Some people might say that I gave up too quick, and they may be right in the end. But I walked into my first drama class all ready and willing to learn whet it meant to be an actor and eventually dropped the class because the professor kept telling me the same thing everyday. ‘I wasn’t understanding the character. Instead of acting like the character on the script I needed to be the character living life.’ I tried to do what he said, but it never seemed to get me anywhere.

“So there I was, in college, without a major, basically without any direction. I’m sure my situation wasn’t unique or anything and it wasn’t like I’d spent too much time following an aspiration that would turn out to be an incorrect potential future. I was still only in my first term of college. I had time to look. But I found that I wanted to be in front of people. After the end of the year, without a major to call my own, it got to the point that I even considered re-taking the intro class and making up the time I’d missed.

“I got back in touch with my first acting teacher and we spent a term talking when he had free time. He asked me things like why I wanted to be an actor and what I wanted to accomplish in life. All the questions professors seem to be required to ask of their students if they felt there was some level of doubt in their mind. Well, I knew I had doubt, I had doubt the moment I entered the classroom. I still have doubts today. I doubt there will be a time without doubts.

“It took us a full term to work out some of the issues I was having. My acting skills were basically based off of previous reactions to things I’d had. If I knew what it felt like to be sad after loosing someone close to me then I knew how to act that way. In that sense I was becoming the character because I had been that character. But the times I had to act in a way I’d never understood, it was a little too much for me. I couldn’t step out of my body well enough to accurately portray the character. Which, my professor admitted, was a common flaw with the new student’s abilities to act and was one that he hated to see simply because, short of experiencing everything, the potential actor would be limited. That is, unless they learned a way around such acting difficulties. Method actors are one example, they literally immerse themselves in the lives of people who acted and were similar to the type of person they were pretending. They try and become the character by becoming that type of character. It would take time and energy but, with the help of the director and the theater department, I could have been adequate enough at least make a living.

“But that didn’t sit well with me. While I could have done what I wanted, it really wasn’t what I wanted. How far could I have really gotten by being ‘adequate?’ How far did I want to go? Questions like these were brought up in the conversations with my acting director and it became clear that I wasn’t going to be a theater major as much as I might have at least been okay at it. So I was back at square one basically, another term gone, and the only thing I had to show for it was a better idea of why I failed, but no real direction on how to succeed. Or, really, what succeeding meant.

“I spent my winter break thinking about what it meant to ‘succeed.’ Financially, of course, came to my head first. I could be a business major and work my way up the corporate ladder and eventually become the CEO of a company. I could learn to play the markets and get rich that way. It was that type of thinking that got me in the direction of my Economics minor. But even that seemed futile, why would I want to work for a life of riches when all I would have to show for it is something that could leave me feeling a bit unfulfilled. I say could because I wasn’t sure what would make me feel fulfilled, but I thought maybe simply financial gain wasn’t it.

“So I kept looking with the idea that I could major in economics or business if I didn’t find anything else to suit my needs. I had friends in all sorts of departments. Chemistry, Biology, English, Computer Science, I even had a friend in the Theater department who I had a brief relationship with. She eventually moved on to try her luck somewhere bigger, though we’ve kept in touch we’ve grown farther apart since graduation. It was actually her that got me into the teaching direction.

“With my, albeit small, background in theater she’s commonly come to me to practice a scene that she couldn’t get or use me as a sounding board for a style she was trying out. I helped her out as best as I could when she asked me to do a scene with her, but of course I was more likely than not to simply say the lines in front of me, maybe give is a sort of meter if I felt she needed a length of time between each of her lines to think. It was the times when she used me as a sounding board that I excelled however.

“She’d usually either have specific questions or want my general opinions. I kept it as constructive as I could, there were times when I simply had to tell her the style she was trying was crap, but those were few and far between. But even those times were filled with explanations of why I thought they were crap. I was as thorough as I could get in my explanations, focusing on details she didn’t even know she’d done and seemingly picking up on exactly what she wanted to know. Turns out that was somewhat do to the fact that we were so close, but I’d learn how to better judge how to deal with people as I went through the college classes.” By this time Mrs. Snowburn had kind of drifted off and, as I finished I tucked her in and stood up to go help someone else with whatever they were doing.

As I stood up to leave Mrs. Snowburn turn her head. “Don’t tell me know, but when I wake up again tell me why you chose high school specifically.” I thought about the question then nodded my head.

***

While Mrs. Snowburn slept I walked around the room talking with everyone to make sure there wasn’t anything that needed my help. Everyone was working hard to keep the kids occupied with the unspoken understanding that we’d be leaving the school soon, whether by our selves of with the help of an ambulance we weren’t sure. “How is she?” Claire asked as I crouched next to her and Johnny as they prepared what food they could, staying as near the heater as they could. “You think-?” She left the question hanging in the air so that there was the possibility Johnny wouldn’t catch on. He probably did.

I shook my head. “I have no idea. She’s weak and that’s all I know. We’re gonna have to find help soon or she just my not make it through the night.” Johnny didn’t react, he knew that the stakes were high at this point and probably knew Mrs. Snowburn was the worst off. “Hey Johnny, I’d like to give her something to eat when she wakes up. Can you get something special ready?” Johnny stared at me like I was crazy. “Hey, I’m not saying seven layer chocolate cake here, what you got is good enough.” Claire glared at me for reminding her of the food she shouldn’t eat normally and couldn’t eat now. I ignored her as best I could. “But, if you happened to have something comparatively good, I’m sure Mrs. Snowburn would appreciate the gesture.” Johnny thought about the idea for a second and eventually nodded his head. I rubbed his hair and stood up to walk away. Before I did though I thought I’d play with Claire’s mind a bit more. “Remember, nothing special, it’s not like we have access to a Wok or anything. We can’t have steamed vegetables with smothered in szechwan sauce can we?” Claire stood up and stepped towards me, ready to hit me across the face. I ran away laughing and hid with Tim and Jessica, my face towards her to make sure she couldn’t sneak up on me while my back was turned.

I watched as she stood there with her eyes furrowed and her mouth set in a thin line. Her right hand was raised just slightly halfway between by her side and winding up for a hit. “That’s right. You better run!” She yelled, but I could tell she was having fun as well. She took another step forward as though to charge me then turned around; I saw a smile spread across Johnny’s face as Claire did something I couldn’t see.

“You flirtin’ wit her?” My attention was all on Tim as he saw through the game I’d been playing.

“E-excuse me?”

Time shook his head and chuckled under his breath. “You know, if I did’n know any bettah I’d say you was doin’ stuff wit her.” I shook my head. “Naw! Really? Coulda fooled me.” He turned back to the piece of paper in his hands. Jessica and Tim had been working hard at making signs, ripping holes into them, and placing them onto sticks that would be stuck in the ground by Tim and myself. “Jus’ makin’ sure you ain’t gonna abandon us like someone else I know.” Sean looked up at the insinuation. “Oh you got that did ya? Well, I guess ya got ears even if ya don’t got a brain.”

I placed my palm on Tim’s shoulder. “Not here please. If you have something to say to Sean please keep it until we’re done. We can’t have fights now. Most everyone’s working the best they can to keep everything moving smoothly until we get rescued.” The notable exception was Ms. George; though she worked once in a while it was inconsistent at best. “We can’t afford to loose anyone else; we’re running short on hands as it is.” I glanced at Ms. George, but she was too occupied with whatever he was doing to notice me.

Honestly, I didn’t care all that much what she did at this point. She was more than welcome to sit in the corner and get the little food and water we gave her. She didn’t complain and we weren’t going to give her anything more, it was working out just fine for me. “I’m sorry Justin. I won’t let mah mouth run off wit mah brain agin.” I nodded at Tim’s apology and could see that Sean was waiting for his own. Tim made sure he didn’t look at the other man for the next few minutes and I eventually shook my head that an apology wasn’t going to happen and that he should turn his attention back to Dan before Dan did something we’d regret.

Just as Sean turned back to Dan Jessica tapped my shoulder with the finished sign in her hands. “Isn’t it pretty?” The large letters that spelled ‘HELLO’ had been very clearly made by Tim and colored in by Tim, but the rest seemed to be Jessica’s handy work. “Tim said that I should use bright colors so they would show through the snow.”

I nodded. “Tim probably right.” I took in the entire four pages of drawing and saw that most of it was covered with images of spring and summer. There were butterflies floating around the letters and flowers seemingly blooming everywhere. The giant sun took up half of the page that had the ‘H’ on it. The sky was a radiant blue with white clouds sprinkled about. I laughed as I saw that she’d even drawn in a school house behind the second ‘L’ with a large ‘WE ARE HERE’ printed about the building. “I think it’s fantastic Jessica.” She beamed at the compliment. “Is it time for us to put it outside?” She nodded and Tim shook his head. “I think you’re forgetting a step.” She looked at me as though I were crazy and looked at the sign once again. “Are we putting it directly onto the snow? How are we setting it up outside?”

Jessica understood immediately. “I’ll go get the sticks.” She said and ran out of the room. Tim was right behind her to make sure she didn’t get hurt too badly. As soon as they were gone I flipped over the sign and saw that the same page that had the school house was the one that had the picture of her family on it. “Do you think four stick will be good or should I find more?” I turned the page over as soon as I heard her voice but I ripped the page a little. “You ripped it!”

She immediately took the entire thing from me and pulled out some tape to fix the rip. “I’m sorry Jessica.” She glared at me and put a copious amount of tap on the rip. “You know what? Four sticks should be just fine.” She continued to tape the page and I had to place my hand on hers to get her to stop. “You’re going to weigh it down and it won’t stay up if you keep putting tape on it like that.”

“Yeah! We’ll you’ll just rip it again!”

Clearly she wasn’t going to trust me with the sign easily now that the damage has been done. “Hey, how about this, when it’s time I help make sure Tim puts it up okay. If he needs help I’ll help him, but other than that I won’t touch the sign anymore.” She stopped putting tape on the sign momentarily and thought about the suggestion. “Is that all right?”

She nodded but pulled one last piece of tap off and put it on the sign. “Just in case.” I nodded and smiled. Walking away and Tim came in with a few sticks, more than enough to keep the newly weighted sign up, I checked on Mrs. Snowburn one more time to find that she was still asleep.

I grabbed the winter clothes I’d brought and a few other pieces I was borrowing from other people for the time being and began putting them on. “Claire.” I said to get her attention. I nodded in the direction of the door and walked out the room.

“What?” She asked when she eventually caught up. “You guys going out there to set up the sign soon?”

I nodded. “Yeah, and I want you to keep and eye on Jessica and Mrs. Snowburn while we’re gone. Same deal as the last times right?” She nodded this time and turned around to walk back into the room. “One second please?” I grabbed her arm. She hesitated before stepping in front of me. “Don’t tell Tim I’m thinking about this, heck don’t tell anyone I’m thinking about this. But if it doesn’t look like we’re going to get help in the near future I’m going to go find it.” Before Claire said anything I continued to talk over her. “The storm’s stopped and, while I don’t know the area at all, I found a phone book in the nurse’s office that had a map of the area. I’ll place out me route that way.”

Claire sighed and looked away. “How will you get there? The hospital in the area has got to be at least three miles away. Even if the roads were cleared between here and there it’ll take time and it’s still freezing out there. It’s just barely above freezing inside the nurses office, and it’s below freezing inside the school where we don’t’ get a wind chill. Are you sure you’re okay enough to go out in that?” Tim walked outside to find me and saw that we were deep in conversation. He nodded with a knowing smile, too bad he knew the wrong things. “If you feel it needs to happen let me go.”

Tim raised his eyebrow and I motioned that Claire and I should walk down the hallway away from prying eyes and listening ears. “I’ll come back in a couple minutes and we’ll set up the signs then.” Tim nodded and walked back inside.

As we walked we wandered through the rooms halfway looking for any sign of Harold and Diana and halfway simply to keep moving to keep warm. “You know I can’t let you go out there and get help Claire. Do we even have to argue about it are you aware of the things you’ll lose by leaving this school on-on what could be the last thing you do.” I didn’t want to say it, but I had to. If it got the point that someone had to leave and go find help Claire wasn’t an option. If she found herself in trouble I don’t think I could have lived with the thought that encouraged Johnny’s mother out into the snow simply because she wanted to save me. “With your boots and the other stuff I’ve borrowed I’ll be fine.”

“What about Coach Z?” I had to be honest; the idea hadn’t crossed my mind. It could work, he was sturdier than me. For most of the time we’d been in the school he’d been giving his clothes to people in order to make sure they stayed warm while I never saw him shiver once. “Even on the ice rink the only reason I knew he possibly could have been cold was because of his breath. He has some hot breath; it steamed up the room more than my smoke does.” She winked at me and walked into the room where we would find Harold. “Hey! Justin! I think I found someone.”

***

We know had two people bed ridden, one that seemed more in shock than actually sick. When we first brought Harold into the room Dan was by our side helping him get into bed and, for the most part, took it upon himself to take care of his father. This helped Sean a bit, who didn’t need to come up with activates to do. Instead his simply sat on one of the beds and watched as Dan kept himself busy. Ms. George tried to rekindle the relationship but it seemed everyone, including Sean, was ready to squash any of those ideas. They were in the corner of the room looking intimate and I was ready to separate them when Claire grabbed me shoulder. “We’ve already made one person so ill she can barely keep herself going. I don’t want to do that to anyone else,” Sean said to Ms. George. Clearly I wasn’t supposed to hear it, so I want back to Tim and readied the sign, but I was confident that was it, Sean and Ms. George weren’t going to endanger our lives through neglect again.

Day 24

I don’t really know what to say about Johnny and Claire. The three of us have stayed a bit closer that I would have expected recently, but don’t mistake that for any kind of a relationship. Sure, Clair and I have dated on and off since the storm’s end, but nothing overly serious. I went back to school and her first husband came back to her. I eventually left school and the two of them were still together enjoying their time, but Claire knew it wouldn’t last. About the time I got my job here at the school Claire’s husband left her for the second time. Though it was under the same circumstances that it had been the first time around, she was ready for his departure this time.

While I wasn’t there, for obvious reasons, Claire talked to me about it a few weeks later while Johnny was at a friend’s house. He’d left during the summer so I was on vacation. “He tired to leave in the middle of the night, but I knew. Okay, so I didn’t know know, but I suspected. I’d been waiting on the doorsteps every night for the past month without his knowledge waiting for the day he tried to sneak out without telling any of us.” We sat on the front yard of her apartment complex next to a sidewalk. Though she’d had a lit cigarette in her hand I was aware of the fact that she hadn’t yet taken a drag from it. It simply rested between her fingers slowly burning down as the minutes ticked by. “He’d stepped out with one suitcase he’d never really unpacked. Johnny always asked him why he didn’t unpack the suitcase, I’m sure it was his way of figuring out if his dad was going to stay for good this time. After the third evasion from the question Johnny stopped asking, he stopped trying to get close to his father again. Sure, Ben tried to spend time with Johnny, but it never went anywhere.

“Ben asked me once why Johnny seemed so distant. I told him it was it might have been because Johnny didn’t trust him anymore.” She paused a second to try and keep he eyes dry. “You know what? I’m not going to smoke this.” She turned to me and offered the cigarette. I politely shook my head no and she pushed it into the concrete sidewalk. “I don’t need a crutch to live, I can do it on my own.” Though I wasn’t exactly sure, I suspected she wasn’t referring to the cigarette lying forgotten on the side of the sidewalk. That was the last cigarette she’s had since. “Hey, let’s go get something to eat. I know this awesome Tai place that you’ve got to try. You ever had Tai before?” I shook my head. “It’s great stuff. Hot.” I let her lead me across the city to this ‘awesome’ Tai restaurant. I had to admit, sitting there listening to her talk about whatever was on her mind, that the food was awesome, though I was more interested in the company. “So, guess how Johnny’s doing at the high school.”

I smiled, I came to the district well after Johnny had been through but many people made sure to note their approval of Johnny’s skills. As it turned out Johnny had the makings of a very intelligent individual, but because of the departure if his father hadn’t really cared all that much. “You know I don’t hear anything about anyone unless someone tells me.” While not completely true, I learn a great deal about the teachers and students within the school simply because I’ve got students all over the place. Which, all in all, makes Mrs. Snowburn’s role all that more understandable. “So. How is Johnny doing at the high school?”

I could tell she was barely holding her pride in check. Knowing Claire she wanted to stand on the table and announce to the entire room her news. “Johnny’s the head editor of the school’s newspaper.” Her face held such a huge grin on it I was scared she was going to pull a muscle. “He’s only a sophomore; the last sophomore to have any editor’s job was like seven years ago. That student moved on to become lead editor for one of the Times magazines, though I’m not sure which city. I mean, it’s only high school, it’s got me excited about his future.”

Though my smile never quite got as big as Claire’s, I’m sure someone in the restaurant thought I’d proposed marriage to her and she’d accepted. “That’s fantastic Claire. From the stories I’d heard at the school I’m sure everyone will be pleased to hear the news.” I paused. “I can tell them right?” She nodded as though I didn’t even need to ask. “Just thought I’d make sure.”

“You’re always so cautious, I’d have just told people. If you have to ask if it’s okay to talk about it makes it seem likes it’s supposed to be a secret.” She bit the rim of her drink’s glass. “We wouldn’t want to make it seem like we have secrets.” I laughed at her joke and she started into her next dessert. We continued the night at the restaurant and stayed there for a few hours talking about various things. Claire order at least three meals worth of food and had me at least try everything, though I’d stopped ordering after the first round of deserts. “It’s going to take me weeks to work all this food off, but oh god is it worth it.” She’d say after every new dish.

“Ever wish you and I had done that same thing as Sean and Ms. George?” I asked suddenly, catching her off guard as she talked about a random news article that talked about how the storm had been caused by a volcano eruption that happened centuries ago. “In the school I mean. Do you ever wonder if they had the right idea to keep the stress levels low?”

She thought about it they smiled in such a way that I felt like I shouldn’t have asked the question. “Do I think we should have done it in the school? No, not really. For one, I had to keep an eye on Johnny. I wasn’t going to let Johnny get sick simply because I couldn’t control my libido. If you’re asking should we go ahead and do it now? Sure, why not?” She grabbed my hand, paid for the meal, and pulled me back across town. I resisted a little, but for the most part was glad we were going to rekindle the relationship we had directly after the snowstorm.

Little did we know that Johnny had been taken back home. We walked up to the house wondering why all the lights were on. At the doorway we walked into the house to a blast of sound as Johnny, we found out, Johnny had turned on the television as high as he could so he could hear whatever program he was watching from in the kitchen where he was making some sort of snack. “Johnny! What-? Why are you back home so early.”

“Freddy fell out of the tree at the park and had to be taken to the hospital. He had a compound fracture in his leg. It was really cool, though I hope I never have one myself. He said it hurt a lot.” Despite the sad news about Freddy, someone I didn’t know, Claire had a hard time keeping her face neutral. “What mom?” As he walked past the front door with a bowl of microwaved macaroni and cheese he nodded hello to me. “Hey Justin, what’s up?”

“Nothin’ much.” As he walked into the other room and turned down the volume I kissed Claire on the forehead. “I guess not tonight?” She nodded into me chest and we hugged once more before I left. I can’t say I wasn’t disappointed; I would have liked to do stuff with her besides watch her eat. But we’ve had opportunities since then, though that’s about as far as I think either of us wants to take it at this point. I’m not sure she’s ready for someone who might walk out of her like her first husband did twice which I can’t really blame her for.

That mostly rounds out the people who were stuck in the school while I was there. But, there is one person that I’ve attempted to find since the storm. Officer Kyle has managed to elude any kind of lead I’ve ever had to find him. There are Officer Kyle’s all over the place it seems, and I’ve tried my best to find the one who saved my life that day. So far I haven’t had any luck. Maybe Mrs. Snowburn was onto something when she suggested a higher power, or maybe I just haven’t looked in the right places. For all I know he wasn’t even a real officer, but someone who wanted to believe that he was. Anyway, I’m grateful for his influence. He’s the one that saved my life and for that I’d at least like to thank him, though it’s become clearer that I may never be able to.

***

Everyone was in a state of high tensions during the last few hours in the school. Even the kids seemed to know that things were going to change soon. “Mrs. Snowburn!” Jessica seemed most effected by Mrs. Snowburn’s turn for the worst. “You’ll be all right right?” The moment someone whispered the news to Coach Z it was as though she knew. She immediately got off the make-shift rink and ran straight for the nurse’s room and hugged Mrs. Snwoburn as hard as she could. “Right?”

Mrs. Snowburn nodded and gently removed Jessica from her grasp. “I promise nothing is going to happen to me.”

Jessica nodded her little head and backed onto the bed next to Mrs. Snowburn’s. “And just so you know, if you don’t keep the promise I won’t think it’s a white lie. It’ll be a regular one, and it’ll be the worst kind of regular one I can think of.” Mrs. Snowburn couldn’t help but smile at Jessica’s words.

From that point forward everyone mostly stayed in one room waiting and holding their breath, everyone except Harold and Diana of course. Coach Z, Sean, Tim, Claire, and even Ms. George to some extent did their best at keeping the children occupied. They taught card games and showed card tricks. Tim seemed to be the only one who left during that period, and only to se if he could scrounge up any more activities and to make sure the front door was as clear as he could make it. “The snow’s stopped comin’ down which means that it’ll simply be a matter of time before they begin the clean up.” We both knew that time wasn’t on our side unfortunately. “I’ll see what I can do ‘bout ensurin’ someone knows we’re in here is someone passes by.” I watched as he walked over to Jessica and suggested they make a sign to put out in front. She happily agreed.

As I watched the two of them sit and draw on the paper I noticed that one of the pages they’d chosen was the one she’d originally drawn her family on. “I see you have everything taken care of.” I slowly turned back to Mrs. Snowburn. She slowly raised her hand to grab the glass of water; I quickly reached for it myself and gave it to her making sure it was supported in case she couldn’t hold onto it herself. “I’ve meant to ask you something ever since I learned you’d gone to school to be a teacher.” She took a long sip of the water then attempted to place it back down. I took it from her completely and placed it next to the heater to make sure it didn’t freeze. “Why do you want to teach?”

Day 23

When we eventually left the school Tim made it his job to keep his eyes on Jessica, at least until her foster parents could be found. He made sure she stayed close and cared for her as best he could. When things began moving again and life started on its path to normalcy the two of them went to the government and requested that Jessica be placed in his care. After various levels of red tape and miscommunications they were eventually given the green light, with the condition that if Jessica’s parents were found, the government felt that there was foul play involved, or if Jessica herself wanted to be somewhere else then she would be taken from Tim and given to another foster home or placed in an orphanage. Beyond that Tim has gone to great lengths to find whatever paper trail he could that would tie the two of them together, if he was able to do that then there would be proof of their blood line and, therefore, the likelihood of the government separating the two of them would be decreased. So far he’d been able to find a few leads, but short of DNA testing it looked like he was going to remain a foster parent for the rest of his life. Which, admittedly, seemed to be fine with him, but I think he’d like to know for sure before he dies.

Before he began parenting full officially he worked extra hard to get the school running once again and, mainly because of his efforts, this school was one of the first to open after the storm. I guess open is a relative term in many cases, some schools opened only when the libraries were stocked with books that weren’t have ruined or with a full staff if someone passed away during the storm or left shortly after. This school didn’t wait for those things, at the instance of the districts parents the doors opened within a week after the storm ended. And, with continued support from the community, Tim managed to get the entire school open and working like it had been in less than a month. A stocked library, working computers, plumbing, everything was ready for the children and the teachers to return to their regularly scheduled classroom day.

And, while he still works for the janitorial staff here at school, it’s clear that he doesn’t do so with the same enthusiasm that he once had. While before he worked after school and nights, with the occasional afternoon shift of day sprinkled in he has mostly requested days so he can be back at the house when Jessica returned home. Don’t get me wrong, he works very hard when he is here, but he doesn’t spent the extra hours making sure everything in the entire building is working correctly.

Jessica, though still a little young to fully understand how close she’d come to freezing in the school, likes to tell her friends that she skated on the gym floor of her grade school. She tells the story a lot it seems. Though a great deal of it is the fun stuff, like skating on the gym floor, as she grows older I hear more and more about the serious things that happened as well. Her most recent addition seems to be when I showed up, it no longer is about ‘the strange guy who appeared in a policeman’s arms’ but has changed to ‘and there was this guy who showed up have frozen by the blizzard being supported by a cop. He almost died.’ It’s not exactly the most flattering rendition of the tale, but I guess she says it like it was and that’s about all I can ask.

The situation with her parents seems to bother her sometimes and Tim comes in to talk to me when I’m in the classroom eating lunch sometimes. “That girl, she’s been askin’ questions ‘bout her family agin’, her real family mind you. I tink she’s basically decided her foster folks perished in tha’ blizzard. Either way, I never know what to tell her.”

“Tell her what the truth is. I’m sure she’ll appreciate that more than avoiding the topic or, even worse, lying to her.”

Tim would nod at that, tell me he’d think about it, and come back a few weeks later with the same complaint. We’ve been doing it for some time now without moving forward. Though I knew he really wants to help he doesn’t seem to trust his instincts or the advice people give him. I can’t but think he’s scared that his answer will change Jessica in some way that confirming her beliefs about her foster parents might make her resentful towards him. It might happen, I’ve seen it before. Heck, I’ve done it and seen it done to me, but I don’t think Jessica would react the same way. When she comes and visits her father and sits down in my classroom to talk it seems like she’s struggling to understand it and just wants someone else’s opinion. She’s asked me, but I guess I’ve taken Mrs. Snowburn and Claire’s admonishings to heart and have asked her to talk with people more suited than I am. It wasn’t until her college years, after she’d moved out of house to live on a campus, that she really pushed me for information though. I guess it was a transition in her life and she wanted some closure to move on permanently. “You’re just like my father.” She laughed when I said it the first time.

“Unlike your father I’ve been told not to teach you things in my past.” She looked at me, waiting for an explanation. “Do you remember when I read The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe with you during the storm?” She nodded. “Do you remember that you asked me a question?”

“I think I asked you why people lied. Is that right?” I nodded. “And you gave me an answer, though I’m not one hundred percent sure what you said or what you meant.”

I chuckled and leaned forward onto my desk. “That’s actually for the best probably. You’d caught my off guard with the question and I have to admit, while it might have sounded good to me at the time it’s defiantly not what I would say today. Especially not to kids as old as you were.” I paused to think about the next words. “In the middle of my explanation Mrs. Snowburn walked in and told me, under no uncertain terms, that I should teach you anything. Or, really, tell you anything that I shouldn’t be talking about. Claire later informed me of the very same thing and I’ve kept my mouth shut ever since. Sure, you’re old enough that I could probably get away with telling you things and I’ve certainly gained the knowledge of what to say when, something that I didn’t have then, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you anything like I would be able to if I hadn’t been told off by those two women.” Though she was in her college years by that time and still had a heck of a lot of growing up to do I think she understood that there will simply be things that I, and other people, simply can’t say for whatever reason. As she stood up to leave I walked her to the door. “Hey, do you remember when you had that fit and wanted your parents and everyone simply couldn’t do anything to settle you?”

She thought about it for a bit and, when she remembered, a huge grin spread across her face. “Yeah! You go me quiet when you said you had a secret, then Dan pushed me over and I cried myself to sleep or something. I don’t think you ever told me what that secret was.”

“Well, there’s a reason for that. I never really had a secret to tell you, I simply wanted you to be quiet so you wouldn’t cause a headache.” She let loose on loud laugh that caught a passing teacher’s attention. “Well, I didn’t have one then, but I do now.” I sat her down on a chair in the room and sat across from her. She grew silent as she waited for me to tell her my secret. As I sat her down and looked into her expectant eyes I thought about all the tings I knew that she didn’t. I thought about Sean and his affairs and the few interactions I’d had with Jessica. Most of all I thought about Tim and his relationship to her. Even though I just told her that I wasn’t going to say anything about her real family I still debated in my head about whether or not I wanted to tell her that Tim is her biological grandfather. I knew that it should be Tim’s decision if he ever decides to tell her. “Do you know why Tim took you under his care after the storm?” She shook her head. “We can both assume that you foster parents died in the storm, which meant that you were once again without a family. He’d seen the present you had from the party you’d been at a few weeks before, the head band with-“

“-with all the fake hair stuff that made my hair look dirty blond or light brown or something. Yeah, I remember that.”

“Yeah, well, he’d seen all the things you had before the storm and knew that, if your foster parents were really dead, that you’d be sent who knows where. He didn’t’ want that because he knew it would be hard on you. So he adopted you himself and took care of you.

“He told me once that the reason he worked so hard for the school was because he wanted to the children to grow up in the best facilities they could. I guess he didn’t want you to leave these facilities and all of your friends and everything simply because of a situation that was outside of your control. So he took you in and took care of you, I guess that’s why he worked at the school less and less. I’m not really sure he understood what it meant to raise a child right without the help of someone else.” It wasn’t precisely a lie and I’ve never felt bad about saying it. And, while I never came outright to say that there is more to Tim than he lets on, I came close as I could by implying that he’d raised a child before. I don’t if she caught onto the hint or not.

Before she left I told her to keep searching for her biological family and that she may just find something. She seemed grateful, but overall I felt that she was a bit dissatisfied with my secret. I’ve seen her since that point, and she’s asked me if there was anything else I could tell her or if I could look something up for her on my free time. I’ve done everything I could to help her but, at the same time, not implicate Tim without his consent. Then one day she stopped, she still came by on occasion and I’d still see her skating with Coach Z, though it’s become more Jessica skating and Coach Z watching these days. She never asks me about her family however. I asked Tim about it, but he didn’t confirm or deny anything. He simply said that she had learned what she needed to and that was all he could ask. I don’t know what that means, other than that Jessica has found closure and that closure hasn’t destroyed Tim’s new life. I guess I can live with that.

Day 22

Mrs. Snowburn reached for a glass of water, but the closest thawed glass was across the room. “Hang on, I’ll grab you some water.” As I walked across the room I noticed that Tim was putting the space heater back together. “How is it? Are we going to have heat again?”

Time nodded, though I knew he was worried about something. “She’s not gonna be able to push out as much heat as before. One o the coils is busted, which prolly means that the rest are gonna follow suit soon. To the extent that we use her right now I’d say she’s only got a few hours left, five at most.” As he wiped his hands off he nodded to Mrs. Snowburn. “What’s wrong? Stress finally get to her?” I nodded slowly and watched as Mrs. Snowburn slowly turned on the bed to find a more comfortable position. “Ah, well, I’ll go tell Coach Z what’s happenin’ and we’ll try and keep Jessica out of you hair for as long as we can.”

As he walked away I grabbed his shoulder to stop him. “Tim, could you go clear a path in front of the building? See if the storm’s let up at all.”

“You ain’t plannin’ on walkin’ through that to find help are ya?”

I shook my head, though it hadn’t even crossed my mind it was something that I placed in the back of my head as soon as he’d said it. “I’m hoping that if the storm lets up enough we can get someone’s attention. Maybe we can get Mrs. Snowburn to a hospital, whoever is there will be able to do more for us than any of us can and even if they can’t, the supplies there will be more adequate. That space heater has been the only thing keeping us going by melting the ice on out food, thawing water, and keeping us warm enough to keep going. But if that heater dies we need to begin to think about leaving. Staying here in the cold will only kill us.”

***

I’ve been told that there are at least five major points within a person’s life. The names change a little from person to person and the number fluctuates a bit as well, but there are a certain five that will occur, whether directly or through a friend. These points are birth, coming of age, marriage, retirement, and death. Different societies focus on different events and view them in different lights. While one society mourns the loss of someone another celebrates the life of the individual had. My first introduction to this idea came when I was talking to a friend about writing and what it meant to write. They said that they wrote moments in peoples lives, moments that reflected major turning points or major life changes. It made sense, after all a story with no change is almost impossible to pull off, the reader wants there to be a change and the reader expects it.

I’ve thought about what it meant to experience one of these events for years, before and after the storm. Surely I’d been born and, in some ways, I’ve come of age. But the idea that the turning points that happened were self contained within the story bothered me. I was born, sure, but I don’t remember the birthing process. I’d come of age in that I could support myself more or less and was working on living on my own away from crutches that would support me, but it didn’t happen during one incident. I didn’t leave the storm of the century with the understanding of the workings of the world, ready for the next big step in my life. A wedding takes a day to complete, but a marriage takes lifetime to accomplish.

By this point I’ve already done the big reveal. I’ve told you how it ends, you’ve known from the beginning. Since there are no apprehensions about whether or not Mrs. Snowburn will recover I’m going to let the story sit where it is, with me walking to the glass after speaking with Tim about our future at the school.

Instead, I’m going to skip ahead a bit for now. In the months after the storm the entire world was watching us as we picked up after ourselves and salvaged what we could. Hundreds of people died from hypothermia and pneumonia due to inadequate supplies. Most of the country affected had millions of dollars worth of property damage to work through, though those numbers seemed to matter more to the people outside the blizzard. We were just happy to be alive, and disheartened when we heard of someone who hadn’t made it through.

My parent’s made it through the storm adequately well. They’d prepared themselves with enough provisions and batteries to warm the bedroom while they stayed under the covers as best they could. They’d even invited in neighbors who hadn’t been quite so prepared and, by the end of the blizzard, the entire room was filled with people huddled under blankets and in sleep bags trying to keep warm. The neighborhood joked about the big slumber party at my parent’s place for some time after that, and a few people even spent time returning the favor by helping to clean up the house. Most of my stuff was ruined though, besides a few files on my computer, most of it was expendable or recoverable. Even those files weren’t really important, just things that I would have liked to have around.

When the storm finally stopped and we were able to leave Claire and I had done a last walk through of the school to see if we could find Diana or Harold who were still missing. We found Harold shivering in the corner of one of the farthest classrooms and, despite his attempts to stop of from helping him, we got him moving and out of the school. He was admitted and released from the hospital. We asked where Diana had gone to, but all he said was that she was gone. “You mean left the school?” Diana asked.

Harold shrugged. “Gone. She’s just gone.” I, to this day, don’t know if Diana left the school only to freeze or if she found someplace warm to ride the storm out. I guess I’ll never really know, though it would be nice to one day learn the truth.Samuel,

Mrs. Snowburn’s son, tried contacting Harold and Dan at his mother’s request, but there seemed to be no way to get in contact with them. According to Tim Dan never returned to school when it was reopened.

Ms. George, much to Claire’s approval, was asked to leave the school by Sean himself. The two of them continued their relationship for some time I’m told, but eventually they broke it off and she went to a warmer climate. Though I don’t know any of that for sure, she left before I was hired.

Coach Z also stayed with the school for some time before stepping down from his position as the head of the Physical Education department. As far as I’m aware he still lives in the area and he and Jessica go to a local pond every winter where the skate, only now they use real skates instead of running around on their shoes.

Shortly after he asked Ms. George to leave the school and right before Mrs. Snowburn finally passed away Sean began looking for a replacement to the position that I now fill. The largest issue with his search, however, was that he wasn’t just looking for a replacement for the head of the Special Education department he was looking for someone to replace Mrs. Snowburn and all the roles that she had filled. The search didn’t end well and many people either left or were let go when they couldn’t fulfill the role Sean wanted, even if they were more than adequate at fulfilling the role as it was stated on paper. Eventually he gave up and left the school himself and was replaced by the current principle. Sean went on to work in the big city as a one-on-one with troubled children, similar to the work that he should have been doing with Dan. He stops by every year or so to check up on the progress of the school as well as Jessica and Johnny. He comes here because, by this point, I am the only he can find and, really, the only one that wants to talk to him. Though I can’t say he is the example of a good person, he has since found ways to redeem himself in my eyes and I have no problems talking with him and hearing what he has to say about his students. He clearly enjoys his job, though I feel he blames himself a little for Mrs. Snowburn’s death and will never forgive himself. I guess that’s why he works at the learning center.

It was during one of his visits that I truly learned how badly Sean felt for his actions. I was sitting at my desk writing notes on papers and grading assignments while Sean looked around the room at the art my students had made over the last week. “Have you ever been asked why you do it?”

I looked up from my work and sat there for a second trying to comprehend the question. “Do what?”

“Teach. Have you been asked why you teach before?”

Leaning back in my chair I smiled. “Not exactly, but kind of. I was asked why I wanted to work with children.” Sean nodded profusely that that was exactly what he meant when he said ‘teach.’ “The answer I’ve always given was because they’re the ones that need my help.” While it was truth that that was the answer I gave, it was a copout answer. I knew it and apparently Sean did as well.

“No, I don’t mean are there teachers. Of course children need our help, they’re children. I want to know why you teach.” Before I could answer Sean pulled down one of the drawings and showed it to me. It was a drawing of a huge dinosaur all colored in with purple. It towered over a single palm tree and shared the shape of a Brachiosaur, one of the dinosaurs we had studied that week. The assignment had been to draw a dinosaur, but I purposefully hadn’t been specific on limitations. Many of the students spent time drawing real dinosaurs that were as close to the real interpretations as they could manage but a few simply didn’t want to draw ‘real’ dinosaurs and made special ones that had their own names. This one had large feathery wings on its back, though the student who made it didn’t place a name and I had forgotten it but that point. “This is why I teach children. Their innocence and creativity, I teach because they have an imagination that no adult can see.” He took a good look at the picture and pinned it back onto the wall. “You know that Ms. George and I didn’t have sex the whole time we were out of the nurse’s room.” I didn’t move as he looked at me, whatever he was going to say he was going to say and a nod or a shake of my head wasn’t going to change that. “A lot of the time we sat in the various rooms of the school was spent sitting and talking about the students we had. It became very clear to me that Ms. George’s reason for teaching wasn’t well thought out and as we talked she began to realize more and more that this life just wasn’t for her. It’s why I eventually asked her to leave and why she did without a fuss.

“The conversations also made me think about why I was a principal. I knew all the skills to succeed, sure, I knew the ways to make the school run smoothly, but did I really care? The situation in the storm somewhat shined a light on the truth, though I fought against admitting it for years. Ultimately that hurt the special education students more than anyone else and I decided it was time for a change.

“I chose the learning center I work at now because I wanted to encourage student’s imagination. As a principal I was simply defining lines and making sure the children stayed between them. As a one-on-one I still do that to an extent, but sometimes I allow for a drawing to have wings.” He picked up the backpack he had brought in and walked for the door. “But, I guess you already knew that.” He came back a couple years later, but we’ve never discussed school or children other than Jessica and Johnny. He’d made his peace with me I guess and, for him, there was nothing more to say.